I am addicted to braincrack...of myself.

A father of modern vlogging, Ze Frank, coined a term both bizarrely particular and astoundingly relatable: braincrack. It describes the process of having an idea for a project, and then constantly building up the idea of this project while failing to act upon it. Braincrack discourages the realization of the project, as you get the happiness that should wait for completion and find that any attempt fails to match your bloated idea, which is demoralizing and stifles further effort. It's addicting, though, like crack for your brain. Hence the name braincrack. Ze Frank's solution is to act upon these ideas immediately, to avoid the build up and get the ball rolling. Or maybe that's Hank Green's solution. My memory is foggy and my effort is lacking.

In any case, I am certainly a braincrack addict, and the strain that has me the most in its grip is self-braincrack. I fantasize about the person I will be, the research I will complete, the miles I will run, the books I will read, etc. It's not just that I want to read more books; I want to be a person who has read more books. And, quite honestly, I have lacked the self-discipline to accomplish most, if not all, of these goals so far. Now I'm entering my twenties, and grappling with the idea that I am an adult, and I need to be the adult that I want to be - that braincrack-fantasy, healthy, thoughtful mix of Lin Manuel Miranda's Alexander Hamilton, Albert Einstein, and Jesus. 

That's where this blog comes in.

I lack self-discipline when no one is around. For example, I'm clean when I have a roommate, but instantly turn into a slob when he leaves for a weekend. As my life progresses, I need to be more responsible and self-controlled even when no one is watching. Thus, I'm writing this blog, to create an imaginary audience to keep me accountable for promises I make to myself. It'll be weekly to some extent, with updates most likely on Saturdays. Imagine it as an interesting cousin of David Allen's weekly reviews, forcing me to contemplate more on my college experience, growth, and how I no longer need to live in the realm of braincrack. 

So here I go. Maybe this will work for me. Probably not though, and this will be yet another example of my crippling addiction.